Burger W. vonBurgerville ([info]nucleophile) wrote,
2005-08-29 22:14:00
  • Mood: semi-productive
  • Music: Obsession (I refuse to include this part)

Relief

For all the times I've worried about my own body, I found out on Oprah today you're supposed to fart about 14 times a day. Thank God. You guys can't get mad at me (at least give me a limit of ~16). If you deny that you do, you're either lying or need a colonoscopy. Hm. She had a cardiologist, of all people, talking about this. Also, when you defecate, it should "sound like an Aculpolcan Diver" when it enters the water and look like a brown "S". O.o S? Mine has never had an "S" shape. Thankfully Oprah clarified a few minutes later by saying, "Well, banana shaped is okay too, right? Just as long as it's curved?". *Whew* yet again.


iPod Shuffle Magic 8-ball meme from [info]linaelyn
1. Will I have a happy life?
Nothin’ Else – Justin Timberlake
2. What do my friends think of me?
Honky Cat – Elton John
3. Do people secretly lust after me?
Halie’s Song – Eminem... I don't know how to explain this one (how it relates to the question and why I have Eminem on my iPod)
4. How can I be happy?
Milionare – Kelis... it'll do.
5. What should I do with my life?
Unpretty – TLC... apparently I should I should, "Look inside me, find out who am I too"
6. Why must life be filled with so much pain?
Emotion – Destiny’s Child... couldn't have said it better myself.
7. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Fields of Gold – Sting... Ah!!! Hopefully we're talking about literal fields of barley, and not the remnents of any showers...
8. Will I die happy? One More Try – Timmy T... okay then I will! *shakes* (or *presses forward button*) Intro - Kelis... so is death just a new beginning?
9. Can you give me some advice?
Don’t Stop – Mariah Carey... will do(n't?)
10. What do you think happiness is?
Just be good to me – SOS Band... mmmmmmhmmmmm
11. What’s my favorite fetish?
All that I can say – Mary J. Blige... apparently I'm not picky

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  • 6 comments

[info]linaelyn

August 30 2005, 06:20:46 UTC 6 years ago

WTF.

Okay, Oprah is officially wacko.

Also, apparently I am about to DIE of Bowel Wrongness, as are all persons in my genetic line, ancestrally, who happen to tend to live well into their 80's and die of lung infections.

[info]replymonkey

August 30 2005, 13:45:25 UTC 6 years ago

heh

Actually, if you hold it in all day, you won't fart 14 times, however upon falling asleap and relaxing the sphincters back there, there will be a gaseous release. I used to hear exactly when my mom would fall asleap. I think it's just a matter of the 1.2 liters of gas getting out at some point or another.

I can imagine poop shape having a whole lot to do with how it impacts the bottom of the bowl. Her guest and Oprah herself is full of crap. HAHAHA. ohhh....mercy.

[info]nucleophile

August 30 2005, 17:05:20 UTC 6 years ago

Re: heh

What he meant by it sounding like a diver is you don't want to hear *plop* *plop* *plop* implying they are hard little marbles. If the shit is too hard apparently you're constipated because the body has had too much time to absorb the water. If the poop is long and soft it's been in there the right amount of time. The "S" or bent shape illustrates that it's been conforming to the shape of your colon, rather than the colon conforming to the shape of the poop.

[info]polexa

August 30 2005, 14:51:42 UTC 6 years ago

Seriously, couldn't she just talk about another book or give away some more cars? Is it really necessary to get a cardiologist (let's brush up on my medical terminology, but don't they do that big thumping thing in your chest, not the thing filled with butterflies in your lower torso) to come on the show?

tra la la, trying not to think about poop anymore now.

[info]nucleophile

August 30 2005, 17:10:38 UTC 6 years ago

Yeah, it seems weird to have a cardiologist talking about out bowels, but he wrote a book with another doctor entitled, "Your Body: the Manual" or something like that. It was an interesting non-sequitur when Oprah said, "We have the world renown cardiologist so-and-so. He's going to talk to us about our [shit]!"

[info]garfpooky

September 1 2005, 23:12:45 UTC 6 years ago

HAHAHA, my old roommate posted about that Aculpolcan diver thing too when she saw it on Oprah. I don't think I've ever had an "s" shape either...that's some fancy poo. :P
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